An important day has arrived, capsuleers! For too long the threat of getting lost in wormhole space tempered the courage of even New Eden’s most daring explorers, but fear not—those days are no more! With Wingspan’s patented “Quick Return” service, our expert agents will safely return your consciousness from the unhinged perils of unknown territory and back to a clone waiting in an Empire medical bay. You don’t have to do anything—just sit back and relax!

We know the Sleepers and even more foreign entities are a constant worry upon your mind and the presence of a ship decloaking nearby makes you instinctively mash your own cloaking field generator as you try to flee for safety. Fear not, our delivery agents don’t take offense—they’re used to the hostile reaches of wormhole space! In order that we can process your return request as quickly as possible, and without wanting to call attention to your frantic attempts to escape, we light off a full rack of smartbombs, ensuring that not only are you safely teleported but also that no other wormhole scavengers can recover anything from your ship!

Subspace communications can be difficult in those strange zones, so we know how hard it can be to get a request for help back to our offices. For just that occasion we have dozens of agents patrolling all stretches of unmapped space, making sure they don’t miss a single call. With Wingspan, your satisfaction is our guarantee.

Wingspan is a corporation in the game EVE Online that sows chaos and heartache, usually by appearing out of nowhere, disrupting major corporate relocations or mining operations, and vanishing back into the vastness of space. With a huge network of plucky opportunists, they’re always kept up to date on the latest news, whether in Empire space, nullsec, or the dangerous realms hiding behind wormholes.

What always cracks me up about Wingspan is their constant commitment to the shtick of being a friendly service rather than the bloodthirsty band of marauders their victims think them to be. They send service receipts for the ammunition they use, presenting them as “deliveries” that have been “ordered” by the target.

In wormhole space, the only way back home is to either die or carefully explore your way back—the path can change frequently and there are many dangers in the uncharted regions. Wingspan’s leadership has been using this new configuration build to absolutely evaporate the normally agile and cloak-enabled ships people use to explore w-space without needing to target them; smartbombs do area damage and just require that you be close enough to your target.

I figured I’d throw in more explanation than I usually do since it’s been a while since I’ve posted any of my “press releases” from the Wingspan crew.

Header image taken ingame from EVE Online