There is an actress who has come up in prominence of late, deservedly so, who I genuinely have difficulty watching on-screen. She is talented, takes on varied and difficult roles, and seems to have a true humility about her fame. Nothing about her performances, attitude, or public appeal make me uncomfortable – instead it’s that she reminds me of someone I find uncomfortable to think about.
How many people do we – do I – shut out of our lives because they provide uncomfortable reminders of people or events we’d rather avoid? I imagine the number is “too many” and some truly great experiences and relationships are missed as a result. The difficulty for me is in actually overcoming that trepidation, those memories or attachments.
There are many experiences that make me uncomfortable, even pleasant or otherwise fun ones. I try my best to pull out that little needling splinter of unease whenever I feel it catch in my mind, but my focus goes directly to what original person, situation, or event made me previously uncomfortable, rather than how this present experience is different or unrelated to that. My default position is to look for similarities, no matter how harmful, rather than differences, which could ultimately be helpful in moving past the disquiet.
I understand full-well that I’m being very vague and general in this post, light on specifics or examples. The truth is, even talking about what makes me uncomfortable is making me uncomfortable, and I’m just not sure whether or not I’m ready to face those battles yet, even if they’re ultimately just against myself.